Sarah had just finished playing a game and during the ride home she asked me how I thought she had played. I told her that I did not think it was her best effort and that there were a couple of things she could work on. She did not appreciate my answer and responded with something like, ‘you don’t think I am any good at soccer!’ I explained to her that I did indeed think she was a pretty decent soccer player, but if she wanted to get better then she needed to be able to hear where she could improve and to look for that kind of feedback.
It was a turning point in our soccer relationship. It could have gone either way I suppose, but to Sarah’s credit she got it, and from that point until now after each game she will ask what she could have done better, looking for ways to improve. And even better is that she is beginning to be able to analyze her own game and is becoming more self-aware as a player.
This may sound like a simple lesson, but in actuality I think it is a rather difficult one – particularly for adults. For any of us, there comes that moment when we need to hear something we may not really want to. To get better at what we do, to improve, to grow, to be a better teammate, co-worker, or friend – we may need to accept that our performance was not everything it could have been. We need those voices in our lives that are willing to tell us things that we may not want to hear, but are truly for our benefit.
It takes a great deal for this to happen well. There needs to be a significant level of trust between those involved in a conversation like this to know that the person sharing the critique is doing so for the best of reasons and that the person hearing the critique will take it to be just that – for the best of reasons. Again, sounds simple, but it can go off the rails in so many ways. And yet I think this is a hallmark of great teams and team members. They have built a level of trust that allows them to say what needs to be said – for all the right reasons and in the most appropriate of ways. This is an incredibly challenging skill set to develop, but very valuable.
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Are You Sure You Want To Hear This?
Sarah had just finished playing a game and during the ride home she asked me how I thought she had played. I told her that I did not think it was her best effort and that there were a couple of things she could work on. She did not appreciate my answer and responded with something like, ‘you don’t think I am any good at soccer!’ I explained to her that I did indeed think she was a pretty decent soccer player, but if she wanted to get better then she needed to be able to hear where she could improve and to look for that kind of feedback.
It was a turning point in our soccer relationship. It could have gone either way I suppose, but to Sarah’s credit she got it, and from that point until now after each game she will ask what she could have done better, looking for ways to improve. And even better is that she is beginning to be able to analyze her own game and is becoming more self-aware as a player.
This may sound like a simple lesson, but in actuality I think it is a rather difficult one – particularly for adults. For any of us, there comes that moment when we need to hear something we may not really want to. To get better at what we do, to improve, to grow, to be a better teammate, co-worker, or friend – we may need to accept that our performance was not everything it could have been. We need those voices in our lives that are willing to tell us things that we may not want to hear, but are truly for our benefit.
It takes a great deal for this to happen well. There needs to be a significant level of trust between those involved in a conversation like this to know that the person sharing the critique is doing so for the best of reasons and that the person hearing the critique will take it to be just that – for the best of reasons. Again, sounds simple, but it can go off the rails in so many ways. And yet I think this is a hallmark of great teams and team members. They have built a level of trust that allows them to say what needs to be said – for all the right reasons and in the most appropriate of ways. This is an incredibly challenging skill set to develop, but very valuable.
This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 7th, 2015 at 12:09 pm and is filed under Comments. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.